I’ve been off from college since the end of April, thinking I would get so much writing done on my next two novels throughout the summer. Wrong. A week before my last couple of final exams, I was involved in a bad 3-car accident. I have scars on my right shoulder from the glass, but I’m thankful to be alive. My brand new car that I had for only one week wasn’t so lucky. It was totaled. Actually, it looked like a giant can opener had gone all the way down the driver’s side.
Although I’m still contemplating the reasons, I’m uncertain why the accident set me back on my heels. It has affected my writing and my outlook on life, and I became even more stressed about everything in general. Even my motivation to do anything from day to day vanished. I also questioned whether or not returning to school to finish my degree was worth it. This all affected my health, too. As a diabetic, my sugar levels skyrocketed from the stress and it took me about six weeks to get it down to a manageable level again, so feeling awful only compounded my day to day tasks.
One thing the accident made me question was whether or not I should continue with my writing career. Why did I have such thoughts? No idea. It’s one of the many reasons that I’m still pondering. Perhaps it’s just the fact that the wreck made me stop and really consider aspects of my life. If that’s the case, I guess I dwelled too long on some things and it made me question everything, especially my writing career. This business is ruthless and there is much unfairness in it, but I’ve been dealing with that since I entered publishing 30 years ago. Regardless, thoughts such as why should I continue battling the competition when everyone and their little brother plus their third cousins removed are writing and publishing nowadays? Why am I still battling the publication scene when I’m pushing 50 and have been writing professionally since I turned 17? Why am I still battling the publication scene when I’ve been editing professional for nearly 20 years, because I should know the ins and outs of the publishing world, right? Why does it seem I was born 40 years too late for this business? No answers came to me, and I still have no solutions to them now.
As the weeks have passed, more and more seemingly unanswerable questions have struck me. For the last 5 or 6 years I’ve teetered on the edge of saying to hell with writing and publishing. However, one thing keeps me going. It’s a graphic a cyber pal sent to me. I keep it as a desktop wallpaper and as the header of my Book Pals group. It gives me the strength to continue hanging on to the one thing I’ve clung to my entire life—my stories and the joy of writing.
Last night my youngest boy and I watched America’s Got Talent. I enjoy the show because I root for those underdogs who have been scraping and clawing their way to success. Many are often incredible singers who have never caught a break, and most of those have voices that beats the majority of the voices I hear in various music genres today, so why are the wonderful talents of these people seemingly ignored? It makes no sense. But when the underdogs have their moment in the sun, I feel so good for them. It makes me happy to see them gain success. The delight they show, the awe, the pure euphoria will get me choked up for them. AGT inspires me. I’m not a singer or a dancer, etc., but writing is a form of the entertainment industry, so maybe one day I’ll have my time in the sun, too.
Well, that’s what I keep telling myself, lol.
So am I still writing? Yes. Will there be a new manuscript sent to my new agent? Yes. Will there be another Werewolves of Rebellion book? Well, I’ve been working on ideas for book 4 involving the character Puppy.
One bright spot that I’ve had of late is the new novel I’m working on. It’s a genre I’ve never written before so it’s a challenge, a challenge I’m enjoying. I’m 50 pages into the manuscript, so after weeks of stalling and sputtering, the words are finally starting to flow.
I may not have any answers to my questions, and there very well may not be any, but the one thing I do know is that my work is a huge part of me. Without it, there would be a hole that nothing else could ever fill.
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